he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
