I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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