Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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