can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
