I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
