I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
