I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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