nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
