I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
