This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
