idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
