Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
