gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
