...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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