yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
