I've blown a few things in my day
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize