her vagine was all disorganized.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You are the jesus of drinking
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
