How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
