the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
