You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
