i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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