Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
