3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
