He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
