Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
