Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
