Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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