I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
my poor anus
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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