I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
