what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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