chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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