I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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