I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
