My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
