are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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