My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
