we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
