i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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