I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
