Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
