Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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