nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
