Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
