Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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