you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
its liver damage thursday
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
