WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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