I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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