i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
