Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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