Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
