i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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