You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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