Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
