The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
