Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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