I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
