trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
