I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
