Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
