he wants to bone in the snuggie
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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