I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
