can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
