I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
