She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
