I am spending my child support on dildos
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
